Vets Weekly News
May 2003 - October 2003
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18th May 2003: Another birthday for me this week which thankfully passed without any fuss, 57 now so it's 3 years to the bus pass and still kicking a ball around. Now Old Mooro seems to have hung up his boots it leaves me the senior vet. When we started the vets over 15 years ago, Tony and I sat down and said we would both love to think we could still play at 60. We were both in our early 40's then so it seemed a long way off, well tonight it felt a lot further off as at times my lungs felt like bursting, isn't life a git! On the football front we had one of those brill sessions when everybody had their moments. Disley, Bryn, Mike Kelly, Zou Zou, John, Kevin, Steve, Scouse Ron and myself turned out, pity there weren't a few more. Chris Anthony has been off for a week or two, injured in his last appearance so hopefully back next week. Arsenal won the Cup with a typical Gunners 1-0 win in a very dull final and Beckham changed his hairstyle and looks a bigger tart than ever. City lose their last game at Maine Road again - to Leeds Under 17's in the academy final. England play South Africa on Thursday and the Jocko's play Northern Ireland, now there's a blockbuster of a fixture. |
Where are they Now No.1
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25th May 2003: My older brothers birthday
today, so had a few drinks at lunch time and later went down to the Leisure
Centre to run them off at football. Big problem... only five of us turned up,
still had a game though of two a side shooting into one goal, just like when we
were kids. myself, John, Bryn, Kevin and Mike Kelly had a good run round and a lot of
laughs so things weren't too bad. No Chris Anthony again this week so I might
give him a bell to see what the problem is - injury, holidays or maybe
knackered. Zou Zou was over in the bog they call Southern Ireland this weekend
so we claimed a freebie. Lets hope for a better turnout next week to get the
funds back up.
Rangers won the Scottish Premier today and Cardiff were promoted to the first
division with their win over QPR. Bournemouth won the third division playoff on
Friday beating Lincoln. Big one tomorrow - Wolves v Sheffield United for a place
in the mega bucks premier league, whoever wins that one will be favourites to
come straight back down next season a la West Brom.
1st June 2003: Flaming June arrived today but
most of the lads weren't at the Leisure centre to enjoy it. Zou Zou, Craig, Andy
Hackney, John, Disley, Kevin and myself still had a good run out with some
pretty decent football played. Disley played superbly tonight, for a
rotund chappie he certainly defied the laws of gravity with a hatful of goals. I
had an email from Fossie this week, the lads alive and well in St Albans, still
scratching a living out of advising others on how to spend their dosh and
crowing about his beloved Man Uni£ed. It would be nice to see him back down with
his buddies at the leisure centre although there aren't many of them left. Well
it's off to Turkey for me next weekend so no 5 a side until the 22nd although I
hope to have a run out in Turkey, I'm no stranger to the International game!!!
This
is where Janice and I will be staying in Kemer - Southern Turkey. A nice 5 star
jobbie my old mate Ramazan from Yalikavak organised for us, there's a great
football facility on site where his cousin plays so I hope to get a run out in
the sun. Looks nice for swimming as well - oh yes, I'll have some of that matey!
8th June 2003: (Report by a guest writer) : 8
vets turned up tonight - Keith, Scouse Ron, Andy, Mike, Steve, John, Robbie
and Disley. Things seemed pretty even (to everyone except Scouse Ron). Then
Rick, from the 7pm crowd arrived, allowing us to make it 4 a side and a ref,
with the ability to rotate the sides. This came just in time, as Ron was about
to call it a day.
He had been moaning to truly international standards, about no-one running,
people giving the ball away needlessly, team-mates not passing, while he was not
running, giving the ball away needlessly and not passing!
With the ref, things definitely improved, although our Robbie may dispute this,
as a gentle shoulder charge from Big Ron almost lifted him into the middle of
next week! That incident apart, an enjoyable evening was had by all, but numbers
really do need to improve.
Where is Chris Anthony, people are asking? Keeping Lord Lucan company, one wag
retorted! Wherever he is, he’s not been playing football for a while. What, with
our playmaker away in Turkey, things could be better. Let’s hope for a
renaissance in the fortunes of the New Mills Vets!
22nd June 2003: Great to be back tonight at the
leisure centre. I managed to get a game in while in Turkey last week but at the
unearthly time of 3am due to the day time heat and the waiters and hotel staff
all working. It was spooky going from floodlights to sunrise during a game. I
like to think I passed on some of my playmaking skills to the very skilful Turks
of Goynuk. Back to tonight though, it was great to see plenty of lads turning
out with Bryn, Disley, John, Bud, Robbie and new player Paul Garner playing
against myself, Steve, Andy making his debut, Andy Hackney, Mike and Zou Zou
Mastin. It has to be said that with me and Zou Zou playmaking it was a case of
total domination as Stevie Hart and young Andy Hackney scored with ease. Our
cause was helped with Bryn having an off night with some wayward shooting and
Disley just wayward shooting. Our debutant Andy also weighed in with his share
of scoring. Half time we traded our top scorer Andy Hackney for Robbie who was
being starved of decent service to add some zest to their faltering attack.
Robbie didn't let us down with some exquisite goals, certainly not looking out
of place in the Inter Milan shirt he played in tonight. I keep saying it but you
just can't beat a good nights football played in good spirit whether it be in
some exotic location or just the leisure centre in New Mills.
FOOTNOTE : City started their move to their new Stadium this week - Gray Mare
Lane will never be the same.
29th June 2003:
Wimbledon
fortnight is upon us again and as usual it's up to Tim Henman to keep the flag
flying for Britain as all the other up and comers crash out early doors.
The ex Canadian Junior Champion Greg Rusedski, was fined £1500 for swearing, bloody good job
Scouse Ron doesn't play tennis! On the football side it was another
disappointing turnout tonight but a really good game of football. Myself, Disley
and John Goodwin took on Michael Jackson, Paul Garner and Zou Zou Mastin in a
closely fought three a side thriller. Disley was on form tonight helping our
side to a double, winning both 45 minute sessions by 4 clear goals. Paul
Garner looks like a good addition to the vets but we still need more
commitment from our regular players or some more new faces. I'm getting in touch
with the New Mills Juniors this week in an attempt to resurrect our 11 a side
fixture with the under 16's. A good chance to gauge how our latest crop of
crocks do against the youngsters. At present we lead by two wins to one.
6th July 2003: Wimbledon over and Henman bites the dust in the quarter finals, what was all the fuss about? meanwhile back at the leisure centre tonight we had four a side, that's one better than last week so if all goes to plan next week might be all ticket!!! Scouse Ron, Zou Zou, Paul Garner and Bud Jackson played Steve Hart, the fit again (was he ever fit in the first place) Chris Lucan Anthony, Kevin English and myself. A very tight match ended 18-17 in our favour after Scouse Ron inspired his side to a great comeback from 5 goals behind to level at 15-15. Paul Garner gets better by the game but as Steve and myself hit goal scoring form he had to settle for second place. Chris came back well with no reaction to his injury which was tested to the full when Scouse Ron launched him before tucking the ball in for a rare scouse goal. I've made the first move for two friendlies on grass, as well as the Juniors I think we may have another crack at Furness Vale.
13th July 2003: Only eight again this week as Steve Hart, Paul Garner, Chris Anthony and myself took on Bryn Meredith, Scouse Ron, Bud Jackson and Robbie. My side had the edge during the first half as Steve and Paul knocked in the goals at will. Chris was tackling like a demon and looking a lot fitter. As fitness goes it has to be said that Ron was carrying an injury as well as the rest of his side. Bryn had one of those irritating nights when his school boy tactics and general petulant behaviour let his team mates down although he did net a couple of pretty decent goals. At half time we swapped Paul for Robbie but continued where we left off with Steve and Chris pressuring their tiring defence and Robbie chipping in with a few goals. Goal of the night was a close call with Robbie's lightning reflexes a close second to Paul Garners drive past me which bent more than a Stockport copper. We still need more players with Zou Zou in Ireland next week, Steve in Chicago and Scouse Ron facing a late fitness test (that should be worth watching, more interesting than Beckham's live one in Madrid).
20th July 2003:
A good turn out tonight with Scouse Ron failing his fitness test (when did he
ever pass one) Zou Zou and Stevie Hart away, we still managed eight. Chris
Anthony, Bud Jackson, Craig Mills and myself came up against the returning John
Goodwin, Disley, Kevin English and Paul Garner. A great tussle it turned out
to be with Disley inspiring his team to come from behind a number of times
before taking a late lead. The last few minutes were frantic with both sides
threatening a winner - it was young Craig Mills who eventually got it with the
last kick of the night. A thoroughly enjoyable night and certainly the closest
game we've had for many a moon. Dare I say a bumper turnout next week, or will
it be back to three a side?
Here's one that slipped off the JUST FOR FUN page
: A
man is speeding in his car down Stockport way when on the side of the road he sees
Bryn our friendly Police Officer lurking in a driveway with a radar gun. Since the man was
speeding and Bryn had a strop on he pulls him over and this is how the
conversation goes:
Bryn: Sir why were you speeding?
Man: I am late for work
Bryn: And what do you do that is so important?
Man: I am a rectum stretcher?
Bryn: A what?
Man: A rectum stretcher
Bryn: How the hell do you do that?
Man: Well first I start with 2 fingers and stretch it a bit and then more
fingers until both my hands are in there and I stretch it to about 6 feet.
Bryn: What the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole
Man: Put him in a uniform and give him a radar gun
27th July 2003: Every time I predict a bumper turnout we get just the opposite, I was genuinely stunned when only seven turned out this week. Even Rick from the 7.30 lot didn't turn up tonight. Still as usual we soldiered on with Steve Hart, Paul Garner, John Goodwin and myself taking on Bryn Meredith, Disley and Craig Mills. I have to say with Bryn, Disley and Craig all playing really well my side were taking a panning so we reverted to three a side with a ref which worked out fine. John played well tonight netting some nice goals and Steve hit a scoring vane before picking up a knock later on. Paul had a mare, his first one in all fairness. I must say that I hesitate to guess how many will turn up next week but Zou Zou should be back to add some classic touches and hopefully the Scouser should be approaching what passes for fitness in the Buttery household so you never can tell!
3rd August 2003: Another month and another crap turnout tonight, only 5 bothered to turn out on a sweltering Sunday evening. Bryn, Paul, Disley, John and myself soldiered on in a game of 2 a side with one goal. I have to admit we all thoroughly enjoyed the kick about with plenty of laughs and a fair few good goals. I'm going to see if I can put together a guest team for next Sunday to gee the session up a bit. I don't know what the solution is, there must be a few blokes out there in their twilight years who fancy a game of football but how do we find them, I don't know! I think I need another holiday. WARNING - Scouse Ron is on the loose in Devon and Cornwall, prepare to insert ear plugs at a moments notice!!!
10th August 2003: Well, what
with me watching City entertaining Barcelona, a meagre 6 vets turned up on
Sunday night: Scouse Ron, John, Keith, Paul, Robbie, and Steve. Still, they had
an enjoyable night of 3 a side, all played in very good humour, apart from one
Scouse blast to Robbie, which went somewhat along the lines of, "Will you kick
the f****** thing?" Robbie took this in his stride, although he looked a shadow
of his normal self. "Is this possible?" you ask. John told Robbie at the start
he looked fucked, and Robbie agreed. "I am fucked", he said. Sadly, no details
emerged as to who, or what, had done the alleged fucking!
After an hour's energetic running, both Robbie and Steve had problems with their
Achilles. (allegedly coincidence this, so don't read anything into
it!) They played the remaining half hour in goals. Prior to this, there had been
some sensational misses, the best of which has to be attributed to Zou Zou
Mastin, who, with no-one else in the same half of the pitch, had 3 attempts on
the unguarded goal, one after the other: the first 2 hit the bench, with the
third going way over the bar!
Aside from Achilles injuries, the most horrific injury happened to our much
maligned Scouse friend. After taking off his training shoes several times, and
applying bandages, plasters and finally adhesive tape, Ron revealed that his
shoes were rubbing, and showed us all the cut. A full 10mm in diameter, with
blood nowhere in sight, John Goodwin and Steve almost fainted at seeing such a
horrific wound. Others were less charitable, and I'm told that phrases like "Big
Wuss" and "Big Girl's Blouse" were being muttered. Unfortunately, I am unable to
confirm this. The picture on the right confirms that since childhood, Ron has
suffered with blisters!!!
So, a very enjoyable evening ended with Keith scoring the golden goal, and all 6
participants lamenting the absence of their one, true playmeister. Sorry boys
but being at Maine Road, sorry, The City of Manchester Stadium (Blue Camp)
watching City, play Barcelona was too much for me to resist! Watching Ronaldinho,
Dani, Kluivert, Overmars, Garcia, and Bernarbia can only improve my game, we
will see next week.
Thank you to my mystery reporter who shall remain nameless.
17th August 2003: Just as I suspected my game came on leaps and bounds this week, not surprising considering all the skill I saw at the City of Manchester Stadium. How can you watch players of that standard and not pick up a few tips. Good to see Zou Zou back this week and Chris Anthony returned from Minorca with a tan so dark that we nearly broke through the colour barrier - remember in over 15 years we still haven't had
 Don't attempt
this one at home folks, it took me years of practice to learn this one. |
a black player join one of our sessions. Just the six
of us tonight although Rick was good
enough to play and make it seven, with another 90 minutes with his own group
who
follow us on. John Goodwin (full of flu), Kevin English and Bud Jackson made
up the
players tonight in a 3 a side with the benches. Good stuff though with Chris
and
myself getting more than our usual share of goals. Next week I'm hoping to get
a new
team out to spice the session up a little, we need some young blood to give us
a fresh
challenge. Scouse Ron's blister doesn't appear to have healed but hopefully
the boy will
be back encouraging us all next week....
24th August 2003: When Chris
Wilson played with the vets he always left the changing rooms with the same
remark, "thanks for the game lads" as if it were a privilege to play. Well as
Chris was in his twilight playing days it was a privilege to play and there are
a few of us who still believe that. Sadly that number is dwindling and unless we
can arrest it we will no longer have to opportunity to thank anyone for the game
and that would be a shame.
On a lighter note I decided to jog down in my kit to the centre on Friday night
for a game of Squash. On the way down a white van driver shouted out of his
window "one one eight - one one eight." this miffed me a bit but it could have
been worse, he could have shouted "one nine two!!"
Just five again tonight with Zou Zou, Chris Anthony, John Goodwin and Paul
Garner joining myself for a really enjoyable game. I think I'll predict a poor
turn out for next week in the hope that I'm wide of the mark again.
Met up with Old Mooro and the fat cat this week, they're looking well past it
but have both still just about got a pulse.
31st August 2003: Went to
watch the glorious Blues play Arsenal today so missed the footy at the leisure
centre - was it worth it, just about I suppose. So no report but things in the
week took my notice especially that weirdo David Blain. Yes the one that does
death defying feats like standing on poles for days on end and such stuff. This
week he produced a shocking trick appearing to cut off his own ear! The gathered
press gasped in horror as he stamped his foot in apparent pain and screamed
"this fucking hurts man!!" The mind boggles, next week he is going to be
suspended in a 7' x 3' plexi glass box with no food for 44 days. That's not
brave it's foolhardy. If he survives that he says that for his next feat he's
going to lock himself in a 9' x 9' room with no windows or lights with Scouse
Ron, now that's bloody brave!!!
7th September 2003: At last a real 5 a side as
Bryn, Scouse Ron, John Goodwin, Zou Zou Mastin and Chris Anthony take on Steve
Hart, Paul Garner, Disley, Robbie and myself in an excellent 90 minute
session. Scouse Ron led the moaners to a well deserved 27 - 18 win with some
great passing football. My side matched them for all of 15 minutes before Bryn
and Chris Anthony started a goal glut. John Goodwin hit a blinder from just over
the half way line and then Zou Zou matched him. As for my side, with Steve
returning from 2 weeks in Majorca and Robbie from the Dominican Republic, Disley
missing for a few weeks, me missing last week we were bound to be a bit
disjointed but we can only play better next week so Moaners be ready - we will
be back! Only 4 turned up last week which wasn't so good - dare I predict
another 10 next week? I'll be off to watch the blues hopefully notch their first
win at the new "Maine Road" next Sunday but will have the old Rover ready to
dash back to the leisure centre for the footy. David Blain was looking a little
pasty today in his plexi box - lets hope for a heat wave in London this week.
21st September 2003 : Just got back in time for the 5 a side after watching the blues stonk Villa 4-1. Craig, Steve, Disley, Bud and myself took on John, Paul, Zou Zou, Robbie and Chris. After a frantic start my side started to dominate, especially with Disley firing in some pile-drivers for a change. we swapped around after that but still had a pretty decent session. Steve Hart had to pull out after half an hour or so with recurring Achilles trouble, looks like he might be missing for a few weeks. Rick joined us for the remainder of the game and I get the impression that he prefers to play with our squad rather than the lads who follow us on, the skill level is a good couple of notches up!!! Spurs at the new Maine Road next Sunday so Chris and I will be missing again, will anyone notice? I'm trying to put a team of youths out to test the boys, we will see. I've just heard a bloke has been moved on from a rowing boat underneath David Blain's plexi box, he was cooking bacon on a primus stove.
28th September 2003 : Just got back from the new Maine Road after watching City rip Spurs apart for 90 minutes and end up 0-0. Great goalkeeping and alarming finishing were the main reasons in one of the most one sided games I have seen for many a moon. Down at the Leisure centre my boy, Dylan, sorted out some opposition for the vets as we were short handed this week. Dylan was unable to play because of a chest injury but Zou Zou stood in for him and by all accounts they gave the vets a good turning over. I'll get more info when I have a chat to Zou Zou next week. Still it was another 10 player turnout so things could be worse. Get Your Kits Out will start a publicity drive this week to get three or four new regular players, we need them to keep the Sunday nights going.