Fresh from her shower, a lady stood in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts were too small. Instead of characteristically telling her they were not, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
'If you want your breasts to grow he said, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'
Willing to try anything, she tore off a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. How long will this take she asked.
They will grow larger over a period of years he replied.
She stopped and asked if he really thought rubbing a piece of toilet paper between her breasts every day would make her breasts larger over the years.
Without missing a beat he retorted, it worked for your arse didn't it....
Allegedly he's still alive, and maybe with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.  However, he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw for a very long time to come and her breasts are still small!!
 

Doctor Doctor...
 

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor, every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"

Little Johnnie was sitting on a park bench munching on one bar of chocolate after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that chocolate isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnnie replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat half a dozen bars of chocolate at a time?"
Little Johnnie thought for a moment and answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business!!
 

Bank Job

A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did.'

Old Chicken Joke

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"