Check out the Archived
pages in the left hand
column below. Lots more
laughs here to enjoy.

Email me any jokes or cartoons that you would like to see included on these pages.

 

Main Menu

The Vets Footy News
HOME PAGE

Manchester City FC

New Mills Squash Club

Digital Camera

Dylan's Aussie Tour

Ebay Auction Site

Favourite Links
Football Poetry
Galatasaray - Türkiye
Just for FUN
Malc's Music Store
Malc's Vacations
Non League Football
Photoshop
The Picture Galley
Who are the Vets

 

 EMAIL - CONTACT

 

 

 Previous Laughs

Archives
Oldest First

Page Two

PageThree

Page Four

Page Five

Page Six
Page Seven

 << STRICTLY OVER 18's ONLY  
This is where you come to cheer yourself up or just have a giggle. Not everything in here is suitable for youngsters so please ensure that the littlies are kept off this page for their own good and to uphold my principles. Also some of the PC Brigade may find the odd racially slanted joke that may offend them, please remember that I have no racial hang-ups whatsoever although I'm not too fond of shirt lifters whatever their colour.  Thank you and enjoy.

Small is breast...

Fresh from her shower, a lady stood in front of the mirror complaining to her husband that her breasts were too small. Instead of characteristically telling her they were not, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
'If you want your breasts to grow he said, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'
Willing to try anything, she tore off a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. How long will this take she asked.
They will grow larger over a period of years he replied.
She stopped and asked if he really thought rubbing a piece of toilet paper between her breasts every day would make her breasts larger over the years.
Without missing a beat he retorted, it worked for your arse didn't it....
Allegedly he's still alive, and maybe with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.  However, he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw for a very long time to come and her breasts are still small!!

 

Doctor Doctor...
 

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor, every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"

Sweet Tooth

Little Johnnie was sitting on a park bench munching on one bar of chocolate after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that chocolate isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little Johnnie replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat half a dozen bars of chocolate at a time?"
Little Johnnie thought for a moment and answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business!!

 

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

'Amazing!' he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

'I can get away from him - no problem!' thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 110mph, then 120, then 130mph. Suddenly, he thought, 'What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!' So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, Sir,' said the policeman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bank Job

A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money. Once he was given the money, he turned to a customer and asked, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'Yes sir, I did.'
The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?'
The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did.'

 

Old Chicken Joke

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

 



LOTS MORE FUN - SEE THE PANEL ON THE LEFT
FOR PREVIOUS LAUGHS ARCHIVES

 

QUICK NAVIGATION

Back to the Top of the Page
 

Copyright © Get Your Kits Out 2005 - All Rights Reserved - Enter at your own risk - smile, you know it makes sense